So what!!!

Four in the morning, sitting on the edge of my bed, chest is burning and reaching for my inhaler. This cold started more than a week ago, got better and now worse. My body wants to take some medicine and sleep all day, but in my head I start thinking of how there is no juice, no eggs, almost out of diapers. How in the next room is my mom and dad and I am wondering if my mom will wake up worse and require a visit to the emergency room, she is a ticking time bomb, at least it feels so. I look at my husband who is sleeping so soundly and try to keep quiet. After much attempt to fall asleep, it's 5:30, I get up and get dressed to go buy those missing things from the grocery store. My mom is moaning from pain as she walks to the bathroom, she sounds a little confused, the beginnings of the same thing which lands her in the hospital every time. 
    Today I am tired, what I would do to be alone. No kids, no parents, no husband, just me and the bed. Do what I want, stay asleep all day if I feel. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but a day alone sounds wonderful. Is it selfish? Maybe, it doesn't make it any less attractive. But no doctors appointments, no cleaning, no laundry, no worrying over my son's homework, no worrying about whose prescriptions need to be filled or did they take all their medications today, all sounds great.
   So I vent to my brother and sister, tell them how I'm tired, how mom is driving me crazy today. I feel a little better. I vent to my husband, who is working and picking up the slack from me missing work so often, he always makes me laugh. Then this guilt comes in about all the complaining I've been doing today. So I start thinking of how to make things easier. I love my mom and dad, but I don't want to neglect my husband and children. Oh why do we have to grow up?
     So I've come to the conclusion that I should just let it all go. Take it as it comes, one day at a time. So what if everyone is in pajamas all day, and so what if the boys eat cereal for dinner. So what if we sometimes have to resort to take out, more than not.  We see all these super moms who keep their house clean, kids tiddy, have all 3 meals per day done, on time and are dressed looking hot while doing it. Nick Jr has these little segments that say, "you been out mommed", funny but very true. It's not a competition, it should be empowerment between moms. I love the mommas who I've friended on Instagram, you ladies are so awesome! My new motto will be 'so what!'.  So what if my hair is up in a pony tail and greasy because I didn't wash it today. So what if we have pajamas all day, so what!  Today I'm not going to care, and I think there will be other days when won't care either, because sometimes, there are bigger things to care about!